Hey, welcome to my site! You can call me Melvin or Gina; either is fine. If you're curious, Melvin was initially supposed to be a mascot of some kind, but as the site become more personal, I decided to include my fursona, Gina, more often.
Like me, my site is all over the place. Pages aren't consistent, designs are messy and if you're using anything but a 20 something year old Dell S199WFP on very low brightness at a 1440x900 resolution, then things might not look as I unintentionally intended :P But that's the whole point of a personal website, I make things the way I want to make them; I don't have anything to prove! I'm just carving out a little place I can call my own on what's left of the net.
Woah yeah, ya got me; I think the modern net is in a horrible state and social media? Forgettaboutit. You know, I know, that's why were all out here. I've avoided social media my whole life; it's nothing new; I could go on all day and complain about social media but I'm tired of repeating myself.
That said, I do kindly ask that none of the content or pages of this website be shared to any social media platforms outside of Neocites and other related personal website circles as it would be antithetical to everything my website stands for. This website is my personal domain, intended as a reflection of myself and not to be used as some kind of commodity.
I have a hard time talking about myself and opening up. But, part of me wants to, if just to be understood. I just know this is going to be a mess but I want to try. For starters, I feel like a constant contradiction: I hate using tags of any kind; gender, fandom, sexuality, whatever; and for that, I feel like a complete alien, like I dont fit in anywhere. I'm all about being authentic, honest and being true to yourself; but I feel like I just exist and there's nothing deeper; that there's no real me and that all my hobbies and interests are just a shallow grasp to have some purpose. I want to love and be loved, and have genuine human connection but it seems like such a scary thing and I worry if all my inhibitions and fears will leave me incapable of ever finding it.
I'm also just a negative person. I always assume and expect the worst. Everyday feels like a battle. I genuinely try to be strong, and I can be, especially when I have to support my friends, but on my own; it's pretty hopeless. Its been about a year since I was laid off from my job and I've practically given up because it seems like there's no getting out of a hole this deep.
Even with all that said, I still unenthusiastically persist. Maybe it's just some primal instinct or perhaps there's some nugget of hope buried within me. That some purpose or meaning will reveal itself to me in time. Maybe its foolish, but I've always been a fool.
